Tuesday, April 14, 2009

MEN are from MARS, WOMEN are from VENUS - #1

I'm  currently reading MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS by JOHN GRAY. I'll make a review for the whole book before I continue with the summary for all chapters.

 In this book the author provides a unique, practical and proven way for men and women to communicate and relate better by acknowledging the differences between men and women.

Once upon a time Martians and Venusians met, fell in love and had happy relationships together because they respected and accepted their differences. Then they came to earth and amnesia set in (Amnesia refers to the loss of memory). They forgot they were from different planets.

The author using this metaphor to illustrate the commonly occuring conflicts between men and women. He explains how these differences can come between the sexes and prohibit mutually loving relationships. John Gray also gives advice on how to counteract these differences in communication styles, emotional needs and modes of behaviour to promote a greater understanding between individual partners. He also encourages readers to accept the other gender's particular way of expressing love and helps menand women to fulfill each other emotional needs.


CHAPTER 1 : MEN are from MARS, WOMEN  are from VENUS

This chapter tells about the differences between men and women in the ways they think, behave and respond. The author stated that by understanding these differences, it will help the relationships. These are some important notes that I've found out from this chapter :

"We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in (the way) we react and behave when we love someone"

"When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom."

CHAPTER 2 : Mr. Fix-It and the Home-Improvement Committee

These are the 1st two paragraphs from this chapter :

"The most frequently expressed complaint women have about men is that men don't listen. Either a man completely ignores her when she speaks to him, or he listens for a few beats, assesses what is bothering her, and then proudly puts on his Mr. Fix-It cap and offers her a solution to make her feel better. He is confused when she doesn't appreciate this gesture of love. No matter how many times she tells him that he's not listening, he doesn't get it and keeps doing same thing. She wants emphaty, but he thinks she wants solutions."

"The most frequently expressed complaint men have about women is that women are always trying to change them. When a woman loves a man she feels responsible to assist him in growing and tries to help improve him improve the way he does things. She forms a home-improvement committee, and he becomes her primary focus. No matter how much he resists her help, she persist-waiting for any oppurtunity to help him or tell him what to to. She thinks she's nurturing him, while he feels he's being controlled. Instead, he wants her acceptance." 

In this chapter, the author wrote about women complain that men don't listen but just looking to provide solutions. On the other hand, men complain that women are always trying to improve them and the way they do things. Men value power, competence and achievement. They need to achieve results by themselves. While women value feelings and the quality of relationships. 

The author also make summarization on the most common mistakes men and women make in relationships for this chapter. They are :

1. A man tries to change a woman's feelings when she is upset by becoming Mr. Fix-It and offering solutions to her problems that invalidate her feelings.

2  A woman tries to change a man's behaviour when he makes mistakes by becoming the home-improvement committee and offering unsolicited advice or criticism.
As a conclusion for this chapter, women should not offer unsolicited advice to men as it would seem critical and unaccepting. While men must listen to women without offering solutions but in order to understand what she is going through. 

@>--- Chapter 3 :  To be continued....

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